This is How Positive Change Happens…

Not Waiting for Others

Over and over again, I find real change occurs for us when we are able to stop waiting around for others to change and instead step forward and give ourselves the healing and freedom we seek.

Even when people do really bad things to us, we can still more forward. For example, we can let go of telling ourselves their ignorant or cruel behaviour towards us is our fault or that somehow we deserved it.

We can liberate ourselves from suffering by taking responsibility for attending to the wounded child within and making sure he/she gets the true and healing message they deserve from us. We don’t have to wait for a parent (or anyone else) to come to their senses and acknowledge to us the harm they’ve done to us. We can give that acknowledgement to ourselves. When we do so, we can feel significant relief and healing that is life-changing.

Here’s an exercise that can help:

Give yourself about ten minutes to sit quietly with no distractions. Take a deep breath and then say to yourself, “My child self, are you there? I am here for you now. I want to help you“. Allow images, sensations, feelings, and memories to come into your awareness. You may notice your child self is wounded. For example, does your inner child feel sadness or shame and believe that something bad or painful that happened to them is their fault? If you detect that is the case, do your best to imagine yourself being present with your child self. Acknowledge their pain. Listen deeply. Then, with gentleness and strength, let them know it is not their fault. Tell them they were treated unfairly. Even if they made a mistake or did something “wrong”, the mean treatment they received was not their fault.

Allow yourself to be absolved of that self-blame and shame. Allow yourself to give a big dose of compassion to your child self. Take a deep breath with a nice long exhale. Notice how you feel.

When we stop and give ourselves the acknowledgement, compassion, and truth we so deserved in the past, we are more able to live with increased happiness. Sometimes in order to really move forward, we need to go back first.

If you need some support in the process I have described above, I am here for you.